key to a blessed marriage
When people accord marriage all it's due respect and honor, God rewards them. The bible pictures a blessed marriage: "Blessings on all who reverence and trust the Lord-on all who obey him! Their reward shall be prosperity and happiness. Your wife should be contented in your home. And look at all those children! There they sit around the dinner table as vigorous and healthy as young olive trees. That is God's reward to those who reverence and trust him" (Ps.128:1-4,LB).
Moreover, the Bible teaches that the blessed marriage is one with the head of a family who loves; is not harsh with her and who is responsible father and good provider. In return he finds a good wife who is given by the Lord , loves him and his children and respect him , and is submissive to him . Their children, on the other hand, are obedient and respectful , are a joy to them . Indeed a blessed marriage builds a family that stands firm, amidst all trials and is untouched by troubles.
However happy you are before the ceremony, there's something about getting married that can rock the boat. Most couples wobble on honeymoon. Many find that once back home, things aren't going as well as they did before the ceremony. A staggering one in two marriages are also set to fail.
So whether you're a blushing bride or forty years down the road, how can you make your marriage work? The answer is to look at what effective couples do and apply their secrets to your relationship.
Successful Married Couples get their deal straight
Marriage is different from living together. It's not necessarily better, but it's different. Both of you will have different expectations of a 'spouse' than of a 'partner' - often basing those expectations on what you saw of your parents' married life. For example, you may have been happy for your man to live the student life before the wedding, but afterwards, you expect him to draw a regular salary.
Successful couples talk deeply before the wedding about their expectations of each other, and if there's serious disagreement - for example he wants kids, she doesn't - they think seriously about whether to marry. After the wedding, successful couples also talk regularly to check their expectations of married life. If those expectations clash, they keep communicating until they have understanding and agreement.
Successful Married Couples keep their individuality
However independent you were before, marriage has a habit of sucking you in to being a couple.
Particularly if the marriage involves children, your lives are increasingly tied up together day-to-day. The result is often feeling both dependent and depended on - as though you have someone constantly clinging to your ankles.
Successful couples know that, however much love there is, marriage can bring this trapped feeling. They encourage each other not to be always 'us', to take 'me' time, to have 'me' hobbies and even 'me' friends. This way, each partner brings individuality in to the marriage, keeping it fresh and alive.
So whether you're a blushing bride or forty years down the road, how can you make your marriage work? The answer is to look at what effective couples do and apply their secrets to your relationship.
Successful Married Couples get their deal straight
Marriage is different from living together. It's not necessarily better, but it's different. Both of you will have different expectations of a 'spouse' than of a 'partner' - often basing those expectations on what you saw of your parents' married life. For example, you may have been happy for your man to live the student life before the wedding, but afterwards, you expect him to draw a regular salary.
Successful couples talk deeply before the wedding about their expectations of each other, and if there's serious disagreement - for example he wants kids, she doesn't - they think seriously about whether to marry. After the wedding, successful couples also talk regularly to check their expectations of married life. If those expectations clash, they keep communicating until they have understanding and agreement.
Successful Married Couples keep their individuality
However independent you were before, marriage has a habit of sucking you in to being a couple.
Particularly if the marriage involves children, your lives are increasingly tied up together day-to-day. The result is often feeling both dependent and depended on - as though you have someone constantly clinging to your ankles.
Successful couples know that, however much love there is, marriage can bring this trapped feeling. They encourage each other not to be always 'us', to take 'me' time, to have 'me' hobbies and even 'me' friends. This way, each partner brings individuality in to the marriage, keeping it fresh and alive.
“Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.” – Barnett R. Brickner
Wise couples realize that a nice home, car, or retirement account may appear nice to have, but they do not make a successful marriage. They understand that there are far more important principles at play. As a result, they have learned to invest their money, energy, and time into the 8 essentials of a healthy marriage:
1. Love/Commitment. At its core, love is a decision to be committed to another person. It is far more than a fleeting emotion as portrayed on television, the big screen, and romance novels. Feelings come and go, but a true decision to be committed lasts forever – and that is what defines true love. It is a decision to be committed through the ups and the downs, the good and the bad. When things are going well, commitment is easy. But true love is displayed by remaining committed even through the trials of life.
2. Sexual Faithfulness. Sexual faithfulness in marriage includes more than just our bodies. It also includes our eyes, mind, heart, and soul. When we devote our minds to sexual fantasies about another person, we sacrifice sexual faithfulness to our spouse. When we offer moments of emotional intimacies to another, we sacrifice sexual faithfulness to our spouse. Guard your sexuality daily and devote it entirely to your spouse. Sexual faithfulness requires self-discipline and an awareness of the consequences. Refuse to put anything in front of your eyes, body, or heart that would compromise your faithfulness.
3. Humility. We all have weaknesses and relationships always reveal these faults quicker than anything else on earth. An essential building block of a healthy marriage is the ability to admit that you are not perfect, that you will make mistakes, and that you will need forgiveness. Holding an attitude of superiority over your partner will bring about resentment and will prevent your relationship from moving forward. If you struggle in this area, grab a pencil and quickly write down three things that your partner does better than you – that simple exercise should help you stay humble. Repeat as often as necessary.
4. Patience/Forgiveness. Because no one is perfect (see #3), patience and forgiveness will always be required in a marriage relationship. Successful marriage partners learn to show unending patience and forgiveness to their partner. They humbly admit their own faults and do not expect perfection from their partner. They do not bring up past errors in an effort to hold their partner hostage. And they do not seek to make amends or get revenge when mistakes occur. If you are holding onto a past hurt from your partner, forgive him or her. It will set your heart and relationship free.
5. Time. Relationships don’t work without time investment. Never have, never will. Any successful relationship requires intentional, quality time together. And quality time rarely happens when quantity time is absent. The relationship with your spouse should be the most intimate and deep relationship you have. Therefore, it is going to require more time than any other relationship. If possible, set aside time each day for your spouse. And a date-night once in awhile wouldn’t hurt either.
6. Honesty and Trust. Honesty and trust become the foundation for everything healthy in a marriage. But unlike most of the other essentials on this list, trust takes time. You can become selfless, committed, or patient in a moment, but trust always takes time. Trust is only built after weeks, months, and years of being who you say you are and doing what you say you’ll do. It takes time, so start now… and if you need to rebuild trust in your relationship, you’ll need to work even harder.
7. Communication. Successful marriage partners communicate as much as possible. They certainly discuss kids’ schedules, grocery lists, and utility bills. But they don’t stop there. They also communicate hopes, dreams, fears, and anxieties. They don’t just discuss the changes that are taking place in the kid’s life, they also discuss the changes that are taking place in their own hearts and souls. This essential key cannot be overlooked because honest, forthright communication becomes the foundation for so many other things on this list: commitment, patience, and trust… just to name a few.
8. Selflessness. Although it will never show up on any survey, more marriages are broken up by selfishness than any other reason. Surveys blame it on finances, lack of commitment, infidelity, or incompatibility, but the root cause for most of these reasons is selfishness. A selfish person is committed only to himself or herself, shows little patience, and never learns how to be a successful spouse. Give your hopes, dreams, and life to your partner. And begin to live life together.
This is a simple call to value our marriages, treat them with great care, and invest into them daily. Accomplishing the items listed above will always require nearly every bit of yourself… but it so worth it. After all, a successful marriage is far more valuable than most of temporal things we chase after with our lives. And will always last longer.
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